Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Dysfunction Junction, or, how was your Christmas?

We all have enough on our plates already with the pain, which is only made worse by stressful life situations. Things often escalate at the holidays, with tension all around. My left side is now burning far worse thanks to the family I happened to be born into.
All around me seem to be happy, cozy fireside families...but not mine. I had a wonderful upbringing because although my mother was divorced, I had loving, involved grandparents. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to provide my kids the same. My mom passed away years ago, so they never knew her. My mean old dad and his wife are a subject for a whole 'nother blog. I'm a single mom with no family nearby.

So, I had to invite myself over to my sister's over an hour away; she wasn't shy about stating she didn't really want me there because it was invading her family time. Um, last time I checked we were all a family, and I can't imagine ever closing out any family member in a time of need, but I the end, she came around, and I did go there with my kids. Things were going along fine, til she felt the need to insert herself into a dispute I've been having with my dad (he hasn't spoken to me for over a year - his decision, not mine, and he's done this to every family member at some point, including this sister, it's just my turn now), and I tried to defend my position.  She went into an uncontrollable rage, as I've seen in the past, and threw me and my children out of her house on Christmas.

Now, I'm not going to pretend I had nothing to do with it, I mean, we argued, tempers flared, but when I tried to leave the room to diffuse the situation, she followed me. Then I tried to hug it out with her and said "let's not do this", she screamed at me to get away from her and get the F out of her house. I've rarely seen my kids eyes and mouth so wide open, and I hope never to again.

Then she sent me a horrid, scathing email talking about every problem under the sun that SHE has, which had nothing to do with the subject of our argument. But there, you see, is the key to all of her spewing at has everything to do with her. This is so hard to comprehend and accept when you're being thrown out, but clearly she has "issues" that are very deep, and have nothing to do with me. I took the brunt for her anger at her husband, ex-husband, whatever, life in general.

Some people carry anger around with them and we don't see it. We carry pain around with us and people don't see it. In some kind of warped universe, we are not all that different.
It's how you deal with it that sets you apart.

I did not answer the email; that would only escalate things. I believe it's best for my sanity and peace in general to just get far away from her while she's like this (which could be for many months or even years; she's done it before, just like my Dad). I hope you had a Norman Rockwell Christmas unlike mine. Whether you did or not, feel free to share your stories here!

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